For years I had an emptiness that I wasn't able to fill with family and friends, or even activities. Something was missing, and I was completely lost over it. I was so tired of searching for something " more " in my life. Why wasn't what I already had fulfilling my happiness? I was completely and utterly confused.
I continued to gradually lose myself with everything I already had. I was truly struggling on holding onto friendships and being consistent in activities ( work & hobbies ) and even staying in touch with my family.
I had been living on my own ever since graduation, and I had been struggling for any sort of love. Either receive or put love into something else.
And that is where I tell you, that I started googling the internet for a slight hope of entertainment, where is where I decided to search "puppies for sale", which remotely wasn't the intention of buying a puppy, but to just "look". Well I can tell you I had fallen in love with a small little puppy , and I had to have her. Even when my family didn't advise me to, I was alone, and I needed something, and to me this was it.
And thats what I did, I contacted them, traveled in the morning and picked her up. I was in complete awe, and it felt great to feel such a feeling over something I only just even held for a moment, and realizing that "this is mine".
I can't say I didn't have bad days with her, I did, I still was struggling just as I was before. I was anxious before getting her because I realized this was a huge responsibility. And I was still anxious when I had her in my arms. But she cuddled up into my chest right away, and for the first time in years, I didn't feel judged. Even on my worst days (where I could barely get out of bed, or ended up crying on my floor) she was there to lick off the tears, she was there to nudge me to get up, she was there lay under my neck, or across the top of my head, without a doubt be there for me. And after all, she would love me just as much as she did before on my days I didn't go above and beyond for her. She didn't care. She didn't even have to say words to make me feel better, a dogs love is a cure for anything. Anytime someone tells me talking helps, it does, but the love she gives without being able to say a word, saved me more than any doctor, or any human being.
And I can still till this day, do not feel judged, and she continues to save me for ever returning back to bad days.
I never knew how much having a companion would help me, by putting a responsibility on me to get better for myself and her. I needed to be better to give her the best life she could have. Her entire world revolves around me, she waits for me at the door till I get home, she's expecting me to walk back into that door and be there for her and take care of her, and my love for her ensured that I would be that for her everyday. I couldn't let her down.
I slowly stopped focusing on negative things, causing myself anxiety attacks, and leading into remotely harmful things. She helped lead me into a whole new life, a whole new passion, a whole new realization of what I was capable of accomplishing.
I took care of myself, for me, and for her. She's my everything in this world, and I am so happy to have a companion like her that will save me everyday.
Putting your love into a companion, saved me. And maybe it will save you too.