Dear friends, I haven’t written in a while, and to be honest I haven’t written due to the lack of inspiration in my life lately

That being said, I have been extremely happy and doing well, and been really focusing on myself, my dog, and my job (YAY) Although ,I had lost track of actually taking moments to relax.

I guess nothing had quite touched my soul-the way I felt like it should for a while.

I’ve sat down multiple times in the past months trying to write again, and I couldn’t, I’ve ended up doodling, crimpling the page into a ball and tossing it away.

My life really just needed some inspiration, just a little spark, re lighten my life a little.

And here I am now, months later, able to run my cheap “ Papermate” pen across the page once again, and I guess now typing it out to you guys to read.

Here it goes, I spent a full day relaxing with 4 amazing friends, in a place that I found a great amount of peace with myself.

The 4 of us, set off to “St.Marks Summit” in Vancouver, where we planned to celebrate my best friends birthday, little did I know it was the most beautiful and heavenly place I had been. 

I could never imagine that day resulting into finding myself again, and finding myself at such peace, but hey there I was, after I reached the top of the summit, in complete awe, looking off into the sun that shimmered across the ocean, I stood their, my face staring straight into the beaming sun, I found my place of infinity.

I’ve blogged previously about how important it is to “ find your place” a place to escape to find yourself again when feeling a little lost, or to release your demons, and I can sure tell you this, this place, and with these 4 people, are it, this is the moment I needed.

I will never be able to explain the exact feeling I got from this place, but I haven’t felt so alive in a very long time, and never felt so grateful to be alive and be able to experience the beauty the world has for us to see, and experience.

And until you guys go to this place, I can tell you one thing, this place feels like you are on top of the world, staring off the to what looks like the edge of the earth, and in complete silence, I was sitting on the edge of the summit, dangling my feet over the summit’s edge, sun blazing, whispering wind through the trees, I sat there with tears running down my warm cheeks, just admiring what beauty our world has. It truly hit me, this impact of beauty struck me, and lifted away any care in the world, there I was crying over the fact I felt so lively, grateful and inspired all at the same time.

I was so grateful to be standing there, being able to look back on how far I’ve come, and the fact that there was a day I didn’t want to see the world anymore because I thought there was nothing left for me, anything left to see, I saw no beauty anymore, and to be standing there, I had this impact come over me, that I made it, I’m standing there so happy, and I realized that I’ve been so happy for so long now, and I’m there to experience it. 

It was a very inspirational moment for myself and I’ve never felt like that before. I felt like I was on top of the world, and that I could be and accomplish anything. I felt infinite.

I will never let go of this place, and I will return to this place, and I hope it touches my bare soul like this every time, and I do hope to return with my 4 beautiful friends who experienced this place of heaven on earth with me.

Nothing will ever get me there, no darkness, no demon, only angels live here, and you will see it too if you go there, it will change your world forever. And it has most definately changed mine.

I will now and forever be infinite .

To infinity and beyond friends, 

to infinity and beyond.


Today, January 27th marks a day of Mental Health Awareness globally. If you are like me, sitting here writing, or even reading this, realizing the progress you have made to make it to today, then you should be as proud as I am of myself and of all the brave humans I know who have battled and still battle through this illness. 

"Bell Let's Talk" plays an important role in today's Mental Health Awareness. Social media is blowing up in people making mental health an awareness to others, and encouraging a gross amount of people to get the help they need. 

Looking back on the amount of stress and sadness ( depression & anxiety ) has shaped me even more into the woman I was always meant to be. I myself had struggled for years which we all already know from my previous blogs. I had lacked in keeping myself healthy. I rarely ate, I over worked myself with school, sports and work, I lost copious amounts of weight, I had hair loss and my beauty that I always had inside me slipped away. 

For some would say, my fire had burnt out.

I had kept myself in a house for months on end of ignoring the fact of where it all started, and what was actually going on. 

I remember to this day, reading an article on one of my favorite actors Robin Williams, who had passed on from suicide due to depression. I know I understood what happened but I didn't fully grasp the concept that I could be next if I didn't get the help I needed. I had been told to get help, and I had refused for so long. I remember so many people trying to help me after his passing, I feel as though it was a huge awakening for many humans. I feel as though many realized how a happy, cheerful and humorous of a human being he was could possibly fall down. And this marked that anybody can suffer, but it is important we help them no matter what. 

Anybody can fall, at any time, any day. Nobody is born with this illness, God didn't pick us out, it's developed, but it's also curable. 

My biggest hope is that people realize the most happiest, cheerful, prettiest, most athletic, most humorous, most lively human beings can and do suffer. 

I am so thankful for the support I had received from my family and friends and loved ones. And a huge amount of people who supported me through my development of my Instagram page, last year, called "@fortheloveofpeople_”.

I wouldn't have met the friends I've made who had written to me through my page, and I wouldn't be apart of my most recent organization that I am apart of called "YOU ARE MORE". 

Mental health is not a weakness it is an illness. Nobody is meant to have it together every second of every day, for we only are human.

And it is okay. It's okay to not be okay, just know you will be.

The goal is to learn to control your feelings and thoughts. Only you can decide how you want to feel and what you are willing to let yourself think, stress over and let eat you away. 

I can assure you it will, Every blinking moment. Which is why it is important to get the help you need, or help anyone get the help they need. 

It took me a long time to overcome this, but I realized I wasn't alone, I wasn't meant to live this way forever, but it also was okay that I was living this way right now. I knew I would find myself again, I just had to keep fighting and controlling what would affect me. And now that I have grasped it, And learned no one can make me feel bad about myself unless I let them. I would consider myself indestructible. I am now again who I was always meant to be in our vast world. I would never/ will never be ashamed of my depression and anxiety. I've learned to overcome my sadness, my stress, my anger, my frustration, my illness. 

I have and you can kick anxiety and depressions ass, and be the woman/man you were meant to be, and show the world what you have to offer.

In Loving Memory of Robin Williams 1951-2014