JENNIFER SIETE: MY STORY

I'm not sure how it all started, all my life growing up I suffered being depressed which led to my suicide attempt at the age of 21. Growing up, I was bullied in elementary school, my parents got divorced at the age of 5, it was tough making friends through school. Being a girl raised by her dad, friends wouldn't come around much. Highschool wasn't much better I got jumped freshman year which led to me being homeschooled. Isolated from everyone I knew, I grew more depressed being home all day and no social life all I did was stay home. At the age of 16, my depression was so severe I tried to seek therapy only I stopped going due to not giving in or trusting a stranger to hear my thoughts. Instead, I ran into something that would ruin the next 6 yrs of my life. Vicodin. My new worst enemy. It helped me for the first few years till i graduated highschool, it made me feel happy again. It filled the void of what I couldn't feel naturally. I didn't know what I was doing was wrong nor did I think it would overtake my life. At the age of 19, I got harder into vicodin due to my dependence on it to make me feel happy. I was using it everyday. The days I didn't I was even deeper depressed. I was using drugs to cope and self medicate that I didn't ever cope with my depression that I had from when I was 16 yrs old or younger. The pain was heavy, people at my waitress jobs would bully me over stupid things it was always hard for me to trust people as I knew they would always turn on me eventually. I became a loner. I didn't seek friendship, or any social activity. I was afraid for someone to hurt me by being my friend I rather be by myself than get hurt again. My drinking picked up at the age of 20, I got a DUI and my licence got revoked due to traffic tickets I had before. I knew I was falling apart, I had so much depression and anxiety built up inside I didnt know how to stop it or speak out. I was taking up to 10 pills a day spending 400-500 on vicodin just to cure my habit I used to cope with my depression and anxiety. I began to fail classes I was in at college, I knew my life was beginning to spiral out of control. Next I turned 21, I got a new job and met a guy named Sean, who I grew very much attention from. We began to date as soon as we met and I became happy again. A few months after we dated I was feeling guilty about not telling him how bad into drugs I was in. He had no clue, I tried to ask him for help that I wanted to detox my whole body from the drugs. I tried to stop 4 times as I went through withdrawls over and over. Every time I stopped taking pills I grew more depressed, he didnt realize I hated myself for the person I was. I was hopeless. I wanted to give up. Here is a man who is trying to love me for who I am I couldn't seem to get my life straight no matter what he did. I was still severely depressed and all I wanted to do was stay home. On August 27, 2015 I told my boyfriend I was going to use the restroom and I'd be in bed shortly after. He laid in bed as I headed to the kitchen and overdosed on many pills. He found me later on the kitchen floor and called 911. Immediately the ER doctors tried to save my life. However, I was on life support for 14 hours until I was able to breathe again. I woke up and didn't realize what I had done. Not only to me, but my family and him. It was scary waking up knowing I almost died because I didnt realize how deep I had gotten. I was sent to a mental Institute for only a week and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Coming home from all of it was rough it took me about 6 months to finally accept and feel normal again. I am now almost 8 months clean and on August 27th of this year, I've been saved from my attempt. I thank God for helping me through the worst struggle in my life and also my boyfriend Sean who stood by my side to help me get clean and helped me beat my depression and anxiety. I now no longer feel those symptoms and we are now expecting our first child. This is proof that you can survive and see another day. It's hard to explain my story in words, but what you feel today, you won't feel a year from now. It's all about pushing foward no matter how hard it is or helpless you feel, there is a brighter day ahead! I lived it. I can't say it was easy being depressed for 6 years was a long time, but I will always want to share my story if it can help others know you are not alone and yes there is hope to feeling better! Stay strong!